Never one to shy away from a taboo subject, I am so riled up for this one *takes stance and holds fists up ready for pretend fistycuffs*. I watched a programe that Cherry Healey made about Breat Feeding vs Bottle Feeding last night and I was absolutely incensed!
Prepare for this statement...I never breast fed Joshua. Yup. I'm one of 'those' mothers. I never tried, I knew I would never try, never even contemplated trying for longer than 1 nano-second once or twice-but even then I blame the hormones. It just wasn't for me. There was a Magazine Editor featured on the show who received a huge backlash after writing an article saying breast feeding wasn't for her and it was "creepy". I am on her wavelength! Now "Creepy" might not be the word I would choose, for me it's verging on repulsive and 'icky'. This is NOT my opinion of mothers who breastfeed, far from it. It's just MY own feelings about ME breastfeeding, to clarify, I do NOT think mothers who breastfeed are repulsive! It's just not for me, and nor was it for her. I'm glad to know I am not the only one who chose not to breastfeed because of these feelings.
Don't pre-judge me here, I'm not one of those people who chose not to for sexual reasons, it's not that at all. It's just literally something I could not get in to 'that place' about and never will with any more children I have. Do I feel guilty that I never breastfed? No. The only time I feel a little pang of something similar to guilt is when other people try and make me feel that way.
I knew in pregnancy I wouldn't ever do it. In fact I knew long before I was pregnant, or even contemplating parenthood that I wouldn't ever breast feed. Because, as I say, personally it's not for me. It's not a whishy/washy au-fait reason that was based on laziness, it's because I actually find the thought of it really, really repulsive. I just could not do it. That's me. That's my opinion, my preference. Have I come up against people who cry shame on me? Absolutely! And yet, I don't judge them so why am I on the receiving end of some much judgement myself?
I know the statistics, I know the recommendations about children being breastfed until they are at least six months etc. I can't hide from the fact that breast milk is better for children than formula milk. But is formula milk damaging or dangerous compared to breast milk? Absolutely not! Yes there are plenty of studies to show that a child who was breastfed will have better health in childhood etc, but to me, childhood health is affected by many more factors than just milk. I don't feel that if Joshua gets ill, it's because he wasn't breastfed. It's because...he's ill! What a revelation hey?!
As for the fact that because I never breast fed my son, I love him less than a mother who did breast feed? Or the statement made by one mother on the show that she would have a closer bond with her child than I have with mine because she breast fed and I didn't? RUBBISH! Do I think my son loves me less than her child loves her? Nope! I am the centre of my sons world, I know he adores me, and I revolve around him. He's the love of my life, nothing would increase that or decrease that. It made me so insulted for another mother to pass judgement on such a life affirming love. A love that only a fellow mother knows the depths and extent of! Had I have been more a violent person (I'm not) I would have been tempted to dropkick my tv through the window at that point!! Joke!...a little!
To me breast feeding is a PERSONAL PREFERENCE! That means that we all have the freedom to chose what is right for us, to not be judged and not have our whole parenting abilities belittled because of this choice. Parenting is riddled with choices on a daily basis and not many other parenting choices affect peoples opinion of you quite as much as the whole Breast vs Bottle choice. Personal preference should give us freedom and yet sometimes it gives the opposite, I remember a baby group once where I was excluded very quickly when I mentioned I didn't breastfeed!
Do I regret not breast feeding Joshua? Nope. Will I breastfeed any future children I may be blessed enough to have? Nope. Do I waver on that? Absolutely not. I am a bottle feeder and I am not ashamed of it!
Love Chloe
xx
Thanks for this Chloe, I myself didn't breastfeed Jared, although I really, really did try. The first four days of his life he was breastfed, but I was literally over exhausted, traumatic and was crying constantly- for me I just didn't have the energy to carry on. It broke my heart to put him on bottle milk because throughout my pregnancy I was adamant I would breast feed and I couldn't, and even now I feel immensely guilty about it, and wish I'd stuck to it, but like you, it's mainly when the "perfect mum brigade" make me feel guilty about it! Sorry that not all of us can be extreme super Mum's! I wish I could have stuck at breastfeeding, but Jared and I still have an immense bond, he adores me, he's happy and healthy and growing and intelligent, and that proves bottle milk mightn't be the best, but it's not going to dramatically and negatively effect him like people make out!
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u're lucky you had ur baby in this century then. if you had ur boy a hundred years ago with your "breastfeeding isnt for me" attitude it would have meant that he wouldnt have survived as there just wasnt a subsitution for what nature intended to feed ur child with. im not against the bottle, im just against mothers who despite not having any medical reasons CHOOSE not to provide their babies wth the best.
ReplyDeleteagree with you :) I breastfed and bottle fed my son. I just wasnt producing enough milk for him. but still i managed to breastfeed him till 6 months I wish I could have done it longer but my boobs didnt cooperate :/
DeleteChloe, I agree with you completely that in this centrey it is a choice to breast/bottle feed. I think we can all agree that the goal here, is a well feed baby. However if you do not want people to judge you on your choice, maybe do not judge breast feeeding mothers and call their choices "Icky" or even worst (and verry hurtful) "repulsive". Do you know what I mean?? It is natural and human to breast feed.
ReplyDeleteI think it is great you are standing up for your right to feed your baby as you chose, judgment free (breast or bottle). Because neither is a wrong choice. Please do not judge mine.
Hi Karen, thanks for the comment and the understanding. I just want to clarify one point-I never said that mothers who breastfeed are repulsive and icky!! I said that was how I feel about ME breastfeeding, not at all others who breastfeed! I am completely indifferent to breast feeding/bottle feeding mothers hun, I would NEVER judge you for doing something just because I don't! Just don't want you thinking that. xx
ReplyDeleteAnd to the 'annon commenter' very easy to judge and hide behind an anonymous comment isn't it?
I did my best to breastfeed (have a 3 week old) but couldn't do it. I hated it but still tried but ended up with sore nipples etc and it was making me feel so miserable that I lost my own appetite which in turn affected the milk supply
ReplyDeleteI hated smelling of milk etc and being in pain that I turned to bottles. Still feel guilty about it but needed to do it for my own sanity.
Well done for having the courage to admit your feelings! my friend has a nipple phobia and received counselling while pregnant as she felt so much pressure to breastfeed. i think breast and bottle are both judged by people though. I breastfed both my sons and was constantly questioned by friends and relatives when I'd put them on a bottle, despite both of them thriving. They all said bottle fed babies are happier/sleep longer etc. To be honest I'm lazy and couldn't be bothered with the sterilizing and making up bottles! I have nothing against formula at all, it's a mother's personal choice. To anon - thank goodness we don't live a hundred years ago. How many babies are saved now by formula milk due to having severe tongue tie, reflux, being premature etc and unable to breastfeed!?
ReplyDeleteAnd we are lucky we live in the west. Look what happened to this baby:
ReplyDeletehttp://whale.to/w/baby_milk2.html
Dex is bottle fed too. I tried my hardest and breastfed for a few months but he was rushed into hospital at 6 weeks with Strep B. He was attached to a drip and we weren't able to pick him up. It was suggested I express but this was painful and I wasn't prducing enough to sustain him. I don't feel at all guilty about switching to formula. Dex is happy and healthy and recovered from his illness fine. I actually get irritated when people bash bottle fed babies. Sometimes there is simply no alternative.
ReplyDeleteCatching up on my blog reading...As with all things parenthood related, I think it is entirely up to the parent to make their own choices, and people shouldn't judge. A mother may breast feed, but not give the absolute devotion you clearly do. I did breast feed all of mine because it came easily to me and I loved it, but I certainly don't think less of those who don't. xx
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