Two Years Old!

Joshua at 12 week scan

 It happened this week. On Monday Joshua turned 2. In what feels like the blink of an eye my baby boy has grown in to a big boy, and celebrated two years (or 730 days) of life. It was far more emotional than I ever expected!

24 Hours old

 I wanted to write on his actual birthday but found myself enjoying the day so much I didn't want to spend a second doing anything that wasn't with him, and Mummy blogging isn't one of his favourite things to do! At bedtime I didn't want him to go to bed, I was enjoying the celebrations as much as he was! It has also taken a few days for me to feel ready to make sense of my feelings about Joshua's birthday too! It might sound ridiculous but it really does feel just...amazing. My son isn't just two, but I've been a Mummy for two whole years! The hardest, most worthwhile, most rewarding, most...everything two years of my life! Most importantly the most loved filled two years of my life.

His first morning at home

Born with dark hair-what happened to it?!

Getting bigger!

Before you have children the clique's that are thrown around about how much a mother loves their child, don't really sink in. Not even when your pregnant. I knew in my head the love I would feel for my child would be different to any type of love I'd ever experienced before, but in my heart I had absolutely no knowledge of this love-nothing prepares you for that!

Even after giving birth, which was a horrendous experience lasting three long days and ending up in Joshua being pulled from me rather than anything else, I still didn't have that heart knowledge. Thanks to PND I spent months feeling hugely protective of my bundle of joy, but not in love with him. It all just adds to my overwhelming sense of adoration for Joshua now.

Always a smiler!

After nine months carrying him, and several months of PND which prevented me feeling proper 'love' for my son when I finally did start to feel that all consuming love for him-my entire world shifted focus. It almost knocked me for six, I literally started to feel this feeling in every inch of my being and it grew, and grew and still to this day grows all the time.

13 Months old

 Having a baby changed my life, but having Joshua changed every single element of me, my body, the world I live in and everything in between-all of which were changed for the better. He's the best thing I've ever done and has the most melting affect on me and generally everyone he meets. Now he's two and deffinately not a baby anymore, he's witty, he's funny, he's independant, he's boyish, strong willed and lots of fun. From the little...ok, large, bundle that I bought home in a flurry of stitches, confusion and exhaustion, I've managed to raise a happy, healthy, secure little boy who is blossoming in front of my eyes. It's the most rewarding job-being a Mummy. There's no gratitude, no 'thank you' for the work you put in, which is the hardest, most unrelenting job but it's absolutely the best job in the whole wide world.

22 Months old

Joshua is two years old this week and I have so much pride that the baby I bought home has grown in to the little boy that he has become-I could burst with the pride I have! He's my best friend, we do everything together and we chat as we go, he's there for me when I need a cuddle and he makes me laugh until my insides hurt. I consult him before making buying decesions and would do anything to make him smile. A kiss and cuddle from him is better than any other and a daisy picked from the garden is better than the most expensive bouquet you could ever get.

Two years old today!

Joshua is the person I couldn't live without. He is a part of me, just like a limb that isn't attached to my body (and potters around on it's own watching Peppa Pig and playing with Happyland toys!) and I never expected to feel that. It's wonderful. However the huge depths of my love for him also leave me with a fear that could make me panic at the thought of anything untoward happening to him-in two years I've realised the only feeling that comes close to the love I have for him, is the feeling of protection I have for him.

So after two years, he may not be a baby any more, but a big boy now. However he will always be my baby and the most amazing thing I've ever, ever done. After two years that heart knowledge is truly there and growing all the time.

Happy Birthday Joshua, love Mummy. xxx