Double Bluff

I love being a Mum. I love being Joshua's mum. Sometimes I love it so much I could burst!

I love being a mum when Joshua wakes up at 6am every morning demanding cartoon time. I love being a mum when it's so early to me that I struggle to instruct my eyeballs to loose their 'far too early' squint and give me some sort of vision ability to make it out of my pit and down the stairs without tripping over while carrying said child down the stairs!

I love being a mum when I am draped over the sofa, trying to suffocate myself with a throw cushion as Peppa bloomin' Pig snorts her oh-so-familiar-and-therefore-annoying snort. I love being a mum when I realise that I can't remember a time when my days didn't start without an animated character.

I love being a mum when my son takes advantage of my 'fragile' early morning status. I love being a mum when my sons new trick is to remove his pyjammas and nappy (while I struggle to get my brain and ass in gear enough for breakfast time) and go on to pee or worse, poo all over the floor. I love being a mum when I remove the throw cushion from my head, early morning squint still there and sniff...I love being a mum when the realisation hits that my son has pooed on my carpet and is now holding it. Lovely.

I love being a mum when I realise that unless I run a bath at this Godforsaken hour for Joshua then I'm going to be smelling the smell of epic mummy failure all day in the scent of his poo.

I love being a mum when Joshua is famished enough to want a second piece of toast for breakfast and I therefore pop one in the toaster...and forget about it until I return from my only alone toilet visit of the day, and find the kitchen filled with smoke. Toast completely incinerated.

I love being a mum when I catch a glimpse of myself in the hallway mirror and actually scare myself. I love being a mum when I thank the Lord that no other person has to see me like this, I would actually be incarcerated for scaring small children to the point of tears, the sight is that bad!

I love being a mum when I realise I was so tired last night I passed out and I forgot to take my make-up off and notice my early morning squint has now gone, normal vision has returned and I see panda eyes staring back at me with purple eyeshadow smeared across my cheek, and ashamedly a trace of a dribble line across my chin. I love being a mum when the postman then knocks on the door.

I love being a mum when I plan my day ahead and it's filled with cleaning, ironing and running errands. I love being a mum when I sigh with lack of enthusiasm and remind myself that I chose this life! I love being a Mum when I look at the huge pile of ironing and can't remember why!

I love being a mum when I have to have a speed shower, washing my hair with one hand and shaving my legs with the other while also trying to wedge the door shut from a little monster (ok, toddler) who is adament he wants to come in too. Clothed or not. I love being a mum when I get out in record time only to realise I've only shaved one armpit.

I love being a mum when my sons newest communication is to pant and whinge at the same time, driving me crazy. I love being a mum when it begins at 8.30am and I know it will go on until 7pm.

I love being a mum when I catch my son with my crafting paint. I love being a mum when I realise he's snuck in to the cupboard, pulled a small can of wall paint out and proceeded to remove the lid. I actually do love being a mum when I'm about a second away from it going all over my laminate floor.

I love being a mum when my son decides to practice his other new art form of tantruming. Squeezing his eyes shut, opening his mouth and making the closest sound he can to a cry. I love being a mum when I laugh at him doing it and he peaks open his eyes to see my reaction and then actually does cry when he sees I'm laughing at him, not the reaction he wanted.

I love being a mum when it feels like I've been awake for eternity, experienced so much during this 'day' and it should be bedtime...but it's only 11am.

I love being a mum when Peppa (now effing, not bloomin'-it's evolved) Pig is STILL on tv, and I think if I hear her whiny voice one more time I may drop kick my tv through the window.

I love being a mum when I try to ring Joshua's Daddy and realise that at 11am he's still in bed. I love being a mum when I'm filled with contempt, and plot ways to feed him cat food and other acts of revenge.

Today there are lots of reasons why I love being a Mum, these are just a small selection of them. What do I do when I love being a mum this much, I hear you ask? ...I start a countdown until wine o'clock and barter with myself that it's ok for it to come early once in a while.

Don't you just love being a Mum?!

Love Chloe xx