From a young age my younger brother would watch television pretty
much when ever he wanted to and with us being fortunate enough to have
Sky he could indulge in his favourite cartoons pretty much all day long
if he wanted. For what ever reason this was the only thing that
interested my brother and he would be glued to the TV constantly and he
would rather watch it than interact, play with toys or socialise. To me
it was embarrassing because everyone noticed this and I knew that I
wouldn’t ever allow my child to watch so much television. Being seven
years older than him I could see how unhealthy this was and promised
myself never to do this with my own child.
Now, what I will say is this. It’s very easy to judge other parents
and their choices when you don’t have children of your own. So when my
son was born my ideals changed on a lot of things. However I wouldn’t
say I’ve necessarily changed my opinion on the amount of television
which should be deemed ‘OK’ for a child to watch.
My son Joshua was about four months old when we first started to
watch television together. If I needed to do some housework and didn’t
think it would be exciting enough for him I would sit him in his swing
chair and put something bright, noisy and child friendly on the TV for
him to watch. I too at feeding times, or cuddle times would sit and
watch it with him. Slowly he seemed to be more attracted to the colours
and sounds of Peppa Pig and this then stuck. Since about five months old
my son has been Peppa Pig mad.
He is now 18 months old and his love of television is very different.
He watches it like any other child, cries when I’ve told him he’s had
enough and is comforted by his favourite familiar characters. But now
he’s older, he’s more head strong and independant, I’ve had to use
television more than I expected to. Now days I’m lucky if I can get a
shower in peace without him wanting to get in with me, so at these times
I sit him in front of Mickey Mouse or Peppa Pig and speed shower.
Likewise if I have to make important phone calls, or answer the door
then he can sit and watch. I see it as a neccessary evil. It allows me
to get things done around the house from time to time without having my
little ‘helper’ who for all the good will in the world, usually makes
more mess than he ‘helps’ to clear up.
So what is my problem I hear you ask? I am my own worst enemy. I have
all this good intention about not letting him watch too much TV. I
choose to read with him, do puzzles, do messy play etc literally
anything else to keep his attention held before I resort to the
television. He does watch TV for a little while before breakfast and a
little while before bedtime but that is usually it (ok, that’s usually
it in an ideal world). However sometimes during the day, I’ve had
enough. I’ve had enough of the tantrums, the demands for excitement,
entertainment and my lack of ability to provide them only serves to
drive us both to the TV just for 5 minutes peace.
Sometimes (more than I care to admit!) I let him watch cartoons just
to hear myself think (above the annoying theme tunes that is) and then I
feel guilty. If Joshua has been particularly naughty one day, I find we
park ourselves infront of the TV for half an hour before tea time and
then back again before bed. It niggles away at me and I beat myself up
about it. The problem is that I see the same blank expression on my sons
face as I saw on my brothers face years ago as he was consumed by the
moving, dancing characters. It makes me quiver a little inside and
reminds me of the pledge I made never to repeat that mistake. However
some times I need peace, I need to not have a toddler hanging off my
limbs while I try and clean the house, cook dinner and do everything
else.
So I wonder to myself and to you, how much TV is too much TV for a
child? I’m not sure, but all I know is that television gives me a
breather during the day when without it I would probably implode. Or
turn to wine. Lots of wine.
Most parents I speak to have this same debate and inner-conflict, myself included. I too vowed my child would not be babysat by the TV, he would not be sucked in and I wouldn't be one of "those" mothers. But I depend heavily on it for background noise. More these days I have the radio on instead but in the early days of motherhood, the TV was all that kept me sane during mammoth feeds and colic. My son showed no real interest in TV until he was about a year old, he didn't have the attention span for it and I would put the occasional kids show on for him in the ungodly hours of the morning during breakfast as it was either that or the news. He would look at it on and off but was never sucked in. Even as he got older he didn't have the attention span for it, but now he is nearly 3, has dropped his nap, and needs the zone out time now and then. We structure the child-focused TV usage, he gets about an hour in the morning during breakfast when I'm trying to just get everything together and want him to sit still and eat something, an hour or so during and after lunch which is when he just has a bit of a wind-down and chills out (when he would used to have nap) and then 30mins after tea/before bed just as background noise for tidying up and so on and because it's "the bedtime hour" on Cbeebies so designed to be quiet calming shows. However, at this age he engages a lot more with the TV and the shows are very well done. He has learnt to count mostly with the help of Numberjacks, he's starting to recognise letter from Alphablocks, he plays make-believe games with toy dogs as a result of Come Outside. I find it encourages learning and his imagination at the moment which to me is a positive thing and it reinforces the things I'm trying to teach him such as literacy and numeracy and positive behaviour. We do have the TV on at other times but it's usual daytime TV and quiz shows and he pays absoloutely no attention. My daughter, however, is OBSESSED with In the Night Garden and enjoys kids TV in general this started at about 9months old, maybe younger. I presume this is because she's a second child and I have these shows on for my son at the times I mentioned, whereas with him at that age, it was literally half an hour in the morning.
ReplyDeleteI like to think that the reading, puzzles, crafts, toddler groups, trips to the library, long walks, trips to the park etc. provide a good balance to the TV. I think there's a big difference between planting your kid in a walker or bouncy chair or whatever in front of the TV for lengthy periods of time while you are on your laptop or whatever, and having appropriate shows on whilst also having toys/books etc around for them to choose what they pay attention to, and also to sit down with them and share in the shows with them as opposed to using the TV as a replacement for human company/a parent. I think that's where the line is.
i think its what you feel is best really or how long you can take kids programmes for ha! My mum always fought with us over how much tv we watched - she never won! x
ReplyDeleteWell, I think you should stop beating yourself up and accept that TV does give us mummies a break and sometimes, the kids actually learn something from it! It really isn't all that bad but I do understand that if you vowed from a very early age, that you wouldn't let your child sit in front of the tv, then the guilt factor probably creeps in. I used to let mine watch a short programme at a time, probably at least an hour in total (sometimes more crept in!). I always let my children unwind in front of the TV when they return from school, but again, only for an hour. I used to have set rules but sometimes, particularly at weekends and in the holidays, I do let these slide a little bit. It doesn't sound as though you're letting him watch too much, just spending too much time feeling guilty!
ReplyDeleteI really think you're doing fine on the TV front, it doesn't sound as though he is watching too much. I used to let mine watch short snippets at a time, spread throughout the day, used when i needed a break the most! Nowadays, I let them watch just an hour after school, it helps them to relax and unwind, I think. Kids can also learn things from TV, it's sometimes a positive tool! I understand though that if you vowed to not ever let your child watch too much, then the old guilt thing sets in from time to time!
ReplyDeleteI was exactly the same as you before I had kids, I swore they'd never watch TV but they do. Sometimes it's the only thing that keeps my 3 year old under control. As long as it's not all the time I don't see the harm in it x
ReplyDeleteI'm glad you are letting your son watch television. its important for us moms to have some spare time to relax and if tv is what is going to hold your child's attention for half an hour-let it be! Don't beat yourself up over it!
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