I've not actually written a post dedicated to my other half, er, ever. There genuinely isn't any hidden meaning behind it at all, as I do mention him all the time in almost every post-even if it's just the general male hating rants from time to time! I'm not a big fan of writing posts that make other people want to wretch as the author writes about how in love they are, how wonderful their other half is etc. I'm not some romatic-scrooge, I just don't find them comfortable to read and therefore I don't want others to feel that about something I've written. I am also very aware that no relationship is perfect and I find it quite hypocritical when people rant about how bleedin' perfect their relationships are and then crumble the second they have a row or worse when they go through a genuinely difficult patch.
One of my pet hates is 'friends' on facebook who write lovey dovey devotions to their other halfs. Now as all the people on my facebook are known by me personally, I have a general idea about the state of their true relationship-or the perception they display of it, should I say. The daily/weekly/hourly status updates about how beautiful their partner is, how much they love their partner, how their partner is THE best in the world...yawn-bore off. I know it might sound harse but please, what are we, in Primary School? I often am reminded about the saying about those who make the most noise about something are usually the ones hiding something-the lady does protest too much kinda thing. I can't help but wonder if they are trying to convince us, or themselves about their relationships? Or maybe I am far too synical.
My relationship has been going for five years. It's been the greatest 5 years of my life, but also the most challenging too. We have built a home and a family together, something we never even anticipated in the beginning. However in the first few years we were together I was neurotic, insecure and paranoid. It meant our relationship was volatile and together with Jamie's job, meant I was constantly worried that someone would take him from me or he would choose someone else above me. It took time but I began to relax and now have never felt more secure, more confident and more comfortable in any other relationship. I've also matured, experienced more and generally grown up as the transition from a teenager (as I was when we met) to a mid twenties Mummy has gladly enforced. I feel I've become the person I was meant to be, the person I was created to become-through my relationship with Jamie. Likewise all the potential I saw in Jamie when we got together, all the potential that, at times was the reason I stayed in the relationship, has begun to become fulfilled. He is now pretty much the man I always knew he had the potential to be in regards to a partner and father. (I say almost because lets face it no man is perfect hey ladies?!)
So last night when I watched a programme (nothing amazeballs-just Silent Witness) and saw a couple seperate with the reason being he "just didn't love her anymore, love just wasn't enough anymore" it got me to thinking. Love ISN'T enough for a relationship to work, on it's own that is. In fact I would go so far as to say Love is probably one of the smallest things needed to make a relationship work. A relationship needs compromise, acceptance, forgiveness, room to grow/change, prospects, commitment and respect, tolerance and sacrifice. Of course it needs fun, sex, holidays, walks on the beach blah blah but when you remove those things-the easy things, the bare bones of a relationship are those above. They are the ones that need working on, sucking on your teeth, swallowing your pride and working hard on-even if you forget what the goods times look like.
My relationship has never been an easy one. Jamie and I have had more thrown at us than a contestant on Tahkishi's Castle. We have had times that would have torn weaker couples apart, and our strength held us together. We have gone through periods of doubt, and our commitment kept us together. Heck, we've had furious, blazing rows and our acceptance and forgiveness has kept us together, even through lots of sulking and forced apologise. But along side all of those things, Jamie has made me laugh harder than anyone else-to the point where I am actually reminded my pelvic floors aren't what the used to be post bubba! He's challenged me, he's supported me, he's given me the most precious gift in our son. And above it all he's honoured the commitment we made to each other.
Watching him today in a hospital bed, so far from my strong, athletic, handsome partner I could not have loved him more, admired his courage more or felt more proud that he is mine. You see through everything we have grown. But we have grown together. So just because I don't parade my adoration for my boyfriend, shout about our sex lives to all and sundry or tell the world how my best friend is just...perfect, well, it doesn't mean I don't feel it. It just means that I would rather tell him these things, and right now the only way I can tell him this is by writing this post....