Being a Mummy is the most hardcore job isn't it? Yet despite how hard, impossible and bang-head-against-wall-frequently, it is I seem to find my life lacks that rock and roll edge. I used to get excited about nights out and remember one such occassion inviting our group of friends back to ours to continue the drinking...come 7am we were all still drinking champagne in the living room and going strong. Now days my idea of hardcore is doing the ironing and the cleaning in one day in and amoungst all the other usual mummy orientated jobs. Or even doing the ironing on a Friday night. Yup, I'm so rock and roll!
I don't actually mind this though because quite frankly come seven o'clock when Joshua goes to bed my brain shuts down for the day. It's like a permanent brain fart until the next day. I think because my brain is so over run during the day with the numerous thoughts of nappies, feeding times, and rubbing crayon off the walls that by my sons bedtime my brain lets all the air out-a la' brain fart. So like I said I don't actually mind because even if I did want a good old boogie night, girlie style, it wouldn't happen anyway because I'm usually asleep by 7.02pm. It kind of makes a night out a bit difficult if my friends have to drag my drunken, half asleep self back home half an hour after leaving the house. So really I don't mind that my life lacks it's previous rock and roll theme.
However today as the sun was shining and the boys were out I realised just how extremly housewifey (a.k.a boring!) my life had become. I had my third lot of washing in the machine, I'd gutted the house and filled three bin bags of 'stuff' (don't ask me what, I couldn't even tell you!) and was now on my hands and knees rubbing my kitchen floor clean. The sun was shining, I could be out in it at the park with the boys, sunbathing and enjoying some peace and quiet but no I was CHOOSING to clean my floor in my rare few minutes alone in the house. I can't tell you how quickly I dropped the mop when I realised this huge faux pas! I suddenly felt guilty for coming so far away from my fun loving roots! Choosing to do the housework! Pah! Who is this girl and what has she done with the real Chloe?!
But I like a clean house and now I've got older (alright I'm not that old) I appreciate living in a clean house (albeit momentary as soon as I release my son it's like a bomb site within thirty seconds) far more than I appreciate loud music thumping through my ears while the vibrations make my drink edge closer to the side of the table and the mercy of the dancefloor. It makes me tired just thinking about it quite honestly! I think since having a baby I've also had a personality transplant, is this normal?! Please tell me I'm not the only one?!
I do have moments when I ache for a good old knees up with the girls, a boogie to some of my favourite tunes and a nice opportunity to dress up and remind myself I can at least attempt to feel sexy, even if I look far from it! But for the most part, as in 99% of the time I would rather have a clean house if it was a choice between the two anyway! That's probably because I spend most of my time in my house I suppose so I understand the train of thought behind it, but still I sometimes feel very old before my time! Am I alone in this, please tell me I'm not!
What has happened to me! I've turned mid twenties and feel much, much older. Help Me!
Love Chloe xx