Now at 17 months you may say that he's a bit behind on this one especially as people always say that boys are more affectionate than girls. However if you read my previous posts you will know that Josh wasn't an affectionate baby until a little while ago when suddenly he started giving cuddles of his own accord. I cried with glee and had to be pulled out of his arms by my partner the first time as if I was some nut job mummy, my son looked at me as if to say "pull yourself together woman!". It was the best feeling in the world, instantly cuddles with daddy took a backseat, my new favourite cuddles were those given to me by Josh! (Not that they weren't already but you know what I mean!). It's very different recieving affection from your child to giving affection to your child. So when he started giving kisses, well my heart actually skipped a beat. My beautiful boy had learnt the most pure expression of love!
He doesn't pout (I'm quite glad about that!) he just puts his lips together and goes 'mmmmm' and plants one. It's so lovely! And he's quite happy to give them to mummy and daddy alike! This is even more special because daddy didn't get the cuddles mummy got (ha ha sucker) for a little while, it was like something between Joshi and mummy. I must say it's lovely that we both got them from the begining. Plus I don't think my partner would have coped being excluded from yet another milestone through Josh's own actions! Now we get lots of kisses, usually when we are already getting a cuddle. I couldn't be any more in love with my son.
HOWEVER. Yup there is a but here. I felt a pang of something recently when he kissed daddy. I realised what it was... 'He's growing up too fast'.As I said, I am so eager and encouraging for Josh to take on the world, it's his world after all. However the kiss marked something inside me that made me want to make him regress back to that teeny tiny wriggling baby who's feet wouldn't touch the floor in his jumperoo but he would still fall asleep in it anyway. The teeny tiny little buddle who would look at me with such need, such reliance. Don't get me wrong Josh still needs me (especially me because daddy likes to think he's good at all the elements of parenting but when he gets creative in the kitchen with Josh's dinner, it's usually slipped in the bin and replaced with fish fingers shhh). It's me Josh cries for at night, me who teaches hm, changes his nappies etc but that basic need isn't there anymore. He's growing up. He can entertain himself, think for himself and feel emotions for himself. At no point has this made me sad, I'm ecstatic at this change. He's becoming a little boy, a real character with such a strong personality but now I've realised one key element that's changed my feelings about this. I can't control it. I've controlled everything with Josh until now, everything he learns is because I'm encouraging him, teaching him. Everything he does, he's shown by me. Now his own brain is controlling him, there is no stopping him now! He's going to take the world by storm, I know this but it does feel a tiny bit bittersweet. It feels like he's 21 and leaving home! My baby is growing up and doing his own little thing. My level of pride is on it's highest rating, Joshua is amazing in every single way and I am only ever going to encourage him, to motivate him because the world is his to take...
Hmmm. I've just realised the solution.
Where's daddy, I think it's time for the "I'm ready for another baby" chat....!
Love Chloe xx